Just Words
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: Dean can tell Sam is struggling with his memories of hell, but he won't talk about it. When a simple demon hunt turns into situation that brings up memories for Sam, can Dean pull him out of the fire? Rated T for some Swearing
1. Chapter 1

Just Words

Chapter 1:

"Sammy, would you stop primping in front of the mirror and get your ass out here and eat?" I yelled as I walked into the grimy motel room. Sam walked out and gave me his typical bitch face that he has always given me, but then I saw him smile as he turned away. I smirked; feeling good that even though a lot has changed over the last few years I could still make my little brother feel a bit better in this craziness that had become our lives. He sat down across from me, and I could see how haggard he looked. Dark smudges under his eyes that never seemed to leave, it made me angry to think that this was a problem I couldn't make go away.

When Sam returned from hell as a soulless dick, I thought things could never get any worse. When I put his soul back and I finally got my brother back I thought we were going to be okay, but then when the wall fell I began to question if Sam was any better off then when he couldn't feel anything and didn't need to sleep.

"So, what's the case Dean?" Sam asked suddenly which snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Basic demons signs, nothing all that interesting. Just, find and kill the bastards, you know the drill." I said between the bites of bacon cheeseburgers. Sam nibbled at his salad, and seemed deep in thought as he stared at the pages of research in front of him. Typical nerdy Sam. Some things never changed. "So finish up your rabbit food, and lets get this done, maybe take a few days off and just relax after. I'm gonna hit the head" I wanted a shower, but there was no point in that before a hunt that was probably gonna get me covered in demon goop or something else disgusting. I settled with splashing some water on my face, and walking back out into the motel room. When I opened the door, Sam was no longer sitting at the table, he was standing in the middle of the room, staring at something, his eyes glazed over, rubbing hard at the cut on his hand that never seemed to quite heal. I walked over and Sam didn't move he didn't even seem to notice I was the there. Lucifer was definitely here again, whispering something into Sam's ear that only he could hear. Suddenly he hit his hand hard against the corner of the end table. I winced, it seemed to calm him down. He turned and looked at me and I quirked an eyebrow. He nodded back at me, just so I would know he was okay, but that I needed to drop it. I hated that. I wished everyday he would talk to me, like he did when he was younger, before everything changed, but I knew he wouldn't. We got changed in silence, and walked out the door.

Finding the demon was easy enough, interrogating it was another thing was different. After awhile it stops eating at your soul that the vessel is a human being because you know you need the information. Ever since Sam has remembered his time of being soulless, it seems to affect him more then it did in past years. I kinda liked seeing that sensitive side of Sam again, I just wish it wasn't because of hell and soullessness that brought that Sammy back to me.

"How many more of you are around here?" Sam asked. The demon smirked up at him.

"Sammy Winchester, back from the dead. Seems to becoming a habit. What makes you so special? The only human Lucifer showed any care for, treated you better then he treated us, even though we were his creation." Sam cocked his head at the demon, I stood back trying to decide if I should interfere or not. The demon continued to mock Sam. "We have to fight to get out of hell, the angels can't escape, but you manage to get out of the cage scott-free? What about your brother? Is he still enjoying his time down under?" Sam jumped forward and jammed the knife into the demons leg and the demon screamed pitifully.

"The angels deserve to be where they are, and don't you worry about Adam. Now, tell me how many more of you are around here, before I show you a few things Lucifer taught me, when he was wearing me to the prom." Sam said in a low menacing voice that I had not heard in a while. He twisted the knife with each word, until the demon decided to spill.

"Okay! I will tell you! There is only one other one here, more powerful then most of us. I was supposed to be on my way to meet him. He crawled out of the chasm years ago, from the places where only the most damaged or evil souls go. Places demons do not dare to venture. But let me warn you, you will not face him and get out alive. Now please just send me back to hell already." Sam smirked at that.

"Sorry, I guess I should have paid attention in class." I said. "I do not remember my exorcisms anymore, and judging by the bullet wound in your vessels chest, it would do him any good if I exorcised you anyway." I stabbed the demon through the heart, as Sam began to walk out of the building.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

I cleaned up the scene and then called the police so the body could at least be returned to the family. Sam was sitting on the hood of the Impala and when he saw me, he climbed into the passenger seat. We drove back to the motel in silence all the while he was rubbing that damn scar on his hand and staring into space. I pulled into our parking space and sat there for a moment waiting for Sam do something. When he didn't I sighed and opened my door to get out, Sam followed suit. I grabbed the weapons bag out of the trunk and we walked inside, he went straight to the bathroom and I decided to clean the guns until he decided to come out. When he did he sat on the other bed picked up a shotgun and started to clean it.

"He isn't there you know." Sam said silently after about 20 minutes of silence. I looked back at him questionably. "Adam, he is okay, he isn't down there with them." I wasn't sure what to say because he never talked about hell.

"Good." I answered. "Honestly, I used to think about that everyday, wondering how I could live with myself when I brought you back, but left him there. I am glad he wasn't there."

"He was there." Sam replied, without looking at me. "He was there for a long time. Not sure how long because you know how time works down there. He was there after my body came back here, but he was gone before I came back. Michael let him go after awhile, guess because he was still had some kind of duty to us humans. Humans can't be in the cage without being tethered to their vessels. So he is in heaven now. Which is good, cause if he was still there, I couldn't protect him anymore."

"I am happy to hear that. But I am sorry you remember all of that. Of what happened here and there. I am sorry that you had to protect him, that should have been me protecting you. "I said, finally getting out the apology I had been thinking about since I had watched both of my younger brothers jump into the pit. Sam just tilted his head at me curiously with a grin on his face and shook his head. I know what he was saying. He was glad it wasn't me, he didn't mind protecting Adam, because it kept us both safe. And he wouldn't have it any other way. Self-sacrificing little shit. I faltered with what I wanted to say next. "Sammy? What did Lucifer do? What did you mean when you told that demon that you would show him what Lucifer showed you when he was wearing you to the prom?" Sam looked away from me and stood up, and I knew he wouldn't tell me.

"I am gonna go look at the police reports, see if we missed anything that can lead us to this other demon. You should get some sleep." He walked away and over to the table and turned on his laptop, and the conversation was over for another day.

I didn't actually mean to fall asleep, but I did anyway. When I woke up Sam had fallen asleep over his research, and he was whimpering, obviously in the throws of a nightmare. They stopped after his Jess guilt went away, but after hell they were back full force. He woke up startled before I had to wake him up, which was often better because he preferred to pretend they didn't happen and he couldn't do that when I was the one waking him up. We both knew what they were about; we didn't have to talk about it. So I just walked by him and went to go make coffee, which we both drank ravenously. I went and brought back a bunch of stuff from the continental breakfast, which I forced Sam to eat.

"Alright Sammy, lets get down to business, what have we got?" He sat there silently for a second rubbing his hand absently, before he answered.

"Okay I have an idea but you are going to have to hear me out, cause it is a little bit crazy."

"What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me?" He looked at me skeptically.

"I think our demon, was once an angel." I almost choked on the orange juice I was drinking. "Told you, you would think it is crazy, but it is possible."

"…okay. I said. "What makes you say that Sammy?"

"There was Enochian written at the crime scenes."

"So why does it have to be a demon then? Maybe it is just an angel gone rogue."

"I do not think so, it is what the Enochian says that makes me think that. This is what it said." He past me the page with looked like gibberish to me and then continued talking.

OL ADRPAN OIAD LOAGAETH OADRIAX OD D OIAD PRG D OIAD MAHORELA OADRIAX GEMEGANZA TORZV

"This roughly translated to "When you cast us from heaven and into the fire, into the darkest chasm, we will rise again someday." Remember what the other demon said about this powerful demon being from the darkest chasms of hell that most demons wouldn't dare to enter? I think this was an angel, so corrupted from fighting his way to the surface he became a demon, that is what makes him so powerful and dangerous, he was an angel."

"Sam how in the hell did you translate Enochian so fast?" I asked curiously. It was an ancient language spoken by angels, couldn't be easy to research. Sam shifted oddly and then laughed.

"Amazing what you can find on the Internet nowadays. Makes you wonder how the hell we ever did it before we had a computer." He said. I glanced at him and he shifted again under my gaze then claimed he had to go take a shower. He walked into the bathroom and I began to grow concerned about what my brother could possibly be hiding from me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

"Alright Sam, what does the lore say?" Sam had been searching through biblical reference books all day trying to find an angel who had been cast into the pit. Turns out there were actually way more then we thought.

"Well my best guess is that we are looking for Cerberus, basically he stood on Lucifer's side when Michael cast him into the cage… you know before I let him out." I glared at him.

"Stop it Sam, you also put him back in, it's over, let it go." He ignored me and continued his story,

"Basically because Michael was not told what to do with him, Cerberus was brought to God for final judgment. Since he was not an archangel God had no reason to cage him, and he did not want him with Lucifer to attempt to plan any future schemes. So he was cast into the deepest part of hell. Basically to be tortured until his last bit of grace was ripped from him and he became an empty shell. Since angels do not have souls, I guess that would have killed him. "

"But he isn't dead, he is a demon. How is that possible?" I asked.

"Honestly? I think God fucked up." Sam said with a chuckle. "There are cracks in hell. Holes. If you are down there for thousands of years, I am sure you could escape. Maybe not a human soul, but an angel could. I think Cerberus fought for so long, and so hard, he lost most of his grace, but what was left was so corrupted he was bound to hell for eternity. A fallen angel turned powerful demon." I couldn't imagine fighting my way out of hell for thousands of years. I didn't last 30 years before I lost my will to fight anymore. I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I wasn't sure who I felt bad for, Cerberus, or us.

"Do you think we can kill him with Ruby's knife?" I asked. Sam thought about that for a minute.

"We should probably use one of the angel blades." He replied. "The way I figure it, they can kill anything anyway, and he was once an angel, might as well use it just in case a demon killing knife won't work." I nodded, made sense to me. I wasn't about to argue.

"Alright, want to find him tonight, get this over and done with?" I heard no reply. "Sam?" I turned, and he was breathing heavily staring into the corner at something I could not see. I walked over to stand between him and his hallucination. "It's not real Sammy. Look at me." He turned his eyes toward me. "This is real, stone number one remember?" He nodded.

"I know Dean. I just get lost sometimes." He bowed his head in embarrassment.

"It's okay Sammy." I smiled at him. "So, tonight want to go find him?"

"Actually I think I know where he is going next. He was at Saint Augustine Church and then Saint Augustine Convent."

"Okay, so where is the next Saint Augustine's?"

"Saint Augustine Cemetery, on the edge of town."

"Okay sounds like the perfect place to go kick some demon ass. Angel ass? Demgel ass? What do we call it?" Sam rolled his eyes and laughed, and I felt like I did something right today.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Saint Augustine's Cemetery may have been on of the creepiest cemeteries I have ever been too. And I am a hunter. I have salted and burned a lot of bones in a lot of cemeteries. This one was abandoned, filled with the bodies of nuns and priests from the churches and convents of the surrounding areas. The crypts looked like they hadn't been tended to in a long time, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. And I wasn't exactly overjoyed with the fact Sam and me were camped out here to wait for a demon to show and do some sketchy demony things.

"When we finish here, we should check and see if there are any spirits haunting this place, it gives me the creeps." I whispered. Sam looked over at me from the passenger seat.

"It is because they are nuns and priests Dean. You are just scared they are judging every aspect of your personality. I mean face it, gambling, stealing pre-marital sex. Who needs to repent more then you?" I glared at him.

"Shut up Sam. Hey, you are guilty of all of that stuff too." He saw him smile at me through the darkness.

"I never said it didn't freak me out too." I snorted at him. Then sat in silence thinking about all we had been through. I will be the first to admit I have done some terrible things, and I know Sam has too. But, we have both been to hell; we have paid our dues a million times over.

"You have no reason to be scared Sam." I looked him in the eyes, and his eyes went round.

"Yes I do, I have plenty to repent for."

"You have paid enough Sammy. God, you are still paying right now. Clean slate."

"You have no idea Dean. No idea what I have done." I thought about that for a minute.

"You're right Sam, I don't. And I hope that someday you will tell me, but until then all I can tell you is, you can't be held responsible for the times you couldn't control, and you have suffered more then you deserved for the times you screwed up." Sam looked past me toward the graveyard and stiffened.

"We will talk about this later. It's go time." He said. I looked over at the grave and saw some people standing in the middle of the graveyard. I nodded at him and we got out of the car.

We snuck around behind one of the tombs and watched what was going on. There were 4 demons, all male vessels, talking into a cup and a man on the ground with his throat cut. We had seen it before; communication with hell or other demons required a blood sacrifice. Disgusting, but true.

"Yes sir." A blonde haired demon said. "We will make this as quick as possible." They stared intently at the cup.

"They are here already sir." The one with black hair said.

"Okay, we will get them now." The blonde said. The four demons turned towards us and I knew immediately we were in trouble.

"Why do you Winchesters feel like you can sneak up on us?" The brunette said snickering. I saw Sam fall forward, felt a pain in the back of my head and fell into darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

I woke up with one hell of a headache, my vision felt fuzzy, definitely had a concussion. I moved my arms and discovered I was chained to a chair. I looked around and saw the angel blades sitting on the table by the door. I looked over and saw Sam chained up in a chair 8 feet in front of me. His head was collapsed down onto his chest.

"Sam?" He didn't seem to hear me and I began to feel panicky. "Sammy, wake up right now!" He moved his head enough so that he could look up at me.

"I'm awake D'n.." He slurred. "I think I have a concussion. Light hurts."

"Yeah, same here Sammy. Cheap shot coming up behind us like that." Sam laughed.

"When have these bastards ever played fair?" I heard the door open up behind me, and Sam looked up at whoever had walked in, hardening his face, and hiding all his fear. Nobody was going to see his fear but me. God, I loved that kid. I got a look at the man in the room with us for the first time. He was wearing a black suit and had his short black hair slicked back in a way that made it look like tar.

"Well, you must be the Winchesters" He said. I've gotta say I've heard a lot about you, and you definitely are not living up to expectations. I mean c'mon, that was the easiest game of cat and mouse I have ever played." I mean, you boys can ditch death anytime you feel like it, but you can't keep yourselves from getting caught by a couple of demons? Pathetic."

"Well why don't you let us out of these chains and we will try to make it a little more interesting for you." I replied. He turned toward me and smiled in a way that made me very uneasy.

"You must be Dean." He said. "Went to hell to save his little brother's life, ended up torturing the damned on the rack. Brought back by the angels to fight a battle for heaven, all the while your little brother was becoming more like a demon himself. Kind of poetic actually." I glared at him, he laughed and turned toward Sam. "Which makes you Sam. The boy with the demon blood, the boy king, Azazels perfect creation. It is funny. Back then I was ready to follow you, the great commander of the demon army. If only Azazel could see what you have turned into now. Squandering your gifts, pretending like that darkness inside of you doesn't exist. To think, how easy you could get you and your brother out of this situation if you hadn't let yourself go limp." Sam looked up at him and smiled.

"You must be Cerberus, Lucifer's loyal minion. Tossed into the pit by God himself, just for being the worthless ant that you are." In that split second Cerberus pulled out a knife and cut a deep gash along Sam's chest, which made him gasp. I tried to get loose but I couldn't. I stared at my brother gasp in pain.

"You talk like we are so different Sam, But we aren't. I was just trying to do right by my brother. I didn't want to listen to dad anymore, with him always going on about these strangers that needed protection. We have the same stuff pumping through our bodies Sam. We both fell from our graces. The only difference is my brother loves me. Yours hasn't cared about you since you busted Lucifer from that cage." Sam made eye contact with me, and then looked away.

"You think your brother cares what happens to you? Let me tell you something. Your brother possessed me, and then I spent hundreds of years listening to him whine, bitch, and moan. He never once mentioned you, or thought about you. He doesn't care what happens to you. You were disposable, a means to an end." Cerberus shook with anger, and hit Sam hard in the face.

"Leave him alone!" I yelled, but I clearly wasn't apart of this conversation.

"How would you like a little bit of my blood Sammy? It is special, more powerful. Still got a little bit of angel power deep in there?" Sam laughed manically.

"You wouldn't dare. You know I could rip you apart." Sam said. I cringed, I hated this side of Sam, I always have. "You can't be that stupid." Cerberus smirked.

You're right I'm not. Yet, I also know how much you want it. You must feel the hole in your stomach; you must miss how powerful it made you. Might as well enjoy the ride Sammy, cause let's face it you know you are going to hell eventually anyway." Sam looked up at the demon with a look of pure determination in his eyes.

"I took my walk on the dark side. Didn't like it much. There may not be much different between you and me, but I got one thing you don't have, I have a soul, and I won't sit by while you demon scum destroy my planet. We took on Lucifer and won, so bring it on bitch." Cerberus picked up the blade and stabbed Sam between the ribs. Sam gasped and keeled over with a yelp.

"Vran ol oe donasdogematastos, Sam." Sam looked up one last time and laughed as blood dripped down his chin.

"Ol l ol noromi ol ollor." Sam replied quickly. And I came up behind the demon and stabbed him in the back.

P.S. You wil find out what was said between Sam and Cerberus in the next chapter! Just hang on!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Cerberus was dead. I didn't waste time dealing with the body. Sam was hurt, bad, and I need to get us out of here. I ran over to Sam, and undid his bindings. He was pale, but conscious, I needed to keep him conscious. All the while trying to figure out what Sam had said to Cerberus before I stabbed him.

"Sammy? Are you with me?" He nodded sluggishly. I looked at the blade protruding from his side and tried to figure out what to do.

"He didn't hit anything vital Dean, crappy aim." Sam said quietly. "Just pull it out and tried to stem the bleeding, we can get back to the hotel in a few minutes, and you can patch me up."

"What about the other demons Sam? I can't carry you out of here and fight them off."

"Look out the door Dean." He looked at him in confusion then got up and opened the door, the demons were all dead, just outside the tomb we were being held in. "He didn't need them anymore." I just shook my head.

"Alright Sammy, lets go. Just stay awake for me, okay?" Sam just grumbled. As long as his eyes were open and he was breathing, that was good enough for me. I pulled the blade out of Sam's side and stemmed the bleeding for now, it was deep and Sam was bleeding like a bitch, but he had worse and I would fix him up. I got him loaded up in the car and back to the motel in fifteen minutes. The hard part was getting him stitched up and to sleep. I had gotten the major wound dealt with and was beginning to stitch the cut on his chest when Sam began to tear up. "I know it hurts Sammy, we are almost done." He shook his head.

"It isn't that." He looked past me and I knew instantly what it was.

"Ignore him." I could feel Sam's gaze on the side of my face.

"He finds all of this hilarious. Seeing me hurt, everything that demon said to me." I stopped stitching for a second. "I know you want to know Dean… if everything he said was true, if… the demon blood… you know.., and why I spoke Enochian."

"You're right Sam, I do. But not right now, right now I want to get you stitched up and I want you to sleep. We will discuss it in the morning. And ignore the other asshole in the room with us right now, his opinion doesn't count for anything." Sam stared at me for a minute, and then nodded his head. And by the time I finished the last stitch, he was fast asleep. I laid down on the bed closest to the door, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt far from rested. I had gotten up every hour the night before to check on Sam's concussion, plus I had to get up every hour because I had one too. Sam was awake with the remote in his hand going through channels on the T.V. The fact that Sam had yet to pull his laptop onto the bed with him told me one thing: it was time for us to talk, and for once I was willing to listen to everything Sam had to say. I just needed some coffee first. I sat up in the bed and stretched out my sore muscles. I saw Sam look at me, so I pointed to the kitchenette indicating where I was going, and he nodded back at me. I came back with two cups and made the decision to sit on his bed beside him. When he didn't tense up, and thanked me for the coffee I figured I was okay. We sat in silence in a few minutes before Sam spoke up.

"He told me he would see me hell in hell. That is the last thing he said to me." I nodded so he would continue. "So when I saw you coming up behind him, I just said "You first you son of a bitch." Seemed appropriate at the time." Sam laughed. Then looked over at me, almost willing me to ask.

"How did you know what he said?" Sam looked into the corner and rubbed at his hand.

"They spoke a lot of Enochian in the cage. Lucifer and Michael. At first it was fine, cause I didn't want to know what they were saying to each other, what they were planning. But after the first few years down there, everything just starts to make sense. Adam, and me learned it. Never spoke it though, it felt like one last way to hold onto our humanity."

So, you know Enochian, like fluently?" He shrugged. "So that's how you were able to translate the writing so fast. Sam, you could have just told me that."

"Honestly I didn't want to think about it. It was the one thing I learned in the cage, and honestly I felt tainted because I knew it. I just wanted to forget." I nodded because I understood that.

"Sammy…" I stumbled trying to figure out how to continue. "Do you… still, you know… have cravings?" He looked at me, and I could see the gears in his head spinning. "I am not mad about it Sam, I just need to know." He thought that over.

"Sometimes, yeah I do. But nothing I can't control. I didn't have any when I was soulless. I am not really sure why. Guess because I felt powerful, and indestructible already. Since getting my soul back I have had a few minor cravings, but it is nothing. It is just something I deal with." I nodded, and for the first time, he talked about being able to handle the demon blood problem, I actually believed him.

"It's funny." Sam said suddenly. "I always felt this darkness in me, and never thought anything about it. The demon blood, it felt like something clicked. All of the sudden I felt right, and that terrified me. Then when I let Lucifer in, we went into this room and we were surrounded by all these people that I recognized from our past. My 3rd grade teacher, an old baby sister, Rachel Nave, she was my prom date. Do you know why they were all there?" He looked at me and I shook my head. "Demons, every single one of them. Following me everywhere I went, for years. There was just as much danger around me as there was in me."

"Sam none of that was your fault."

"It doesn't matter Dean, none of it matters anymore. I mean, my brain is in pieces, I got Lucifer riding shotgun, but…."

"What is it Sammy?" He looked at me and smiled, a Sammy smile that I see so rarely.

"I don't feel so dark anymore. I think we are gonna be okay." I smiled at Sam, and saw my little brother who had disappeared from me for the last 3 years. I put my hand on his shoulder, and looked into his eyes.

"You are right Sam, we are gonna be okay."


End file.
